Meaning of Life...

Sens de la vie ...
Meaning of Life...
Pascal said in the seventeenth century: When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity that lies before and after it,
when I consider the little space I fill and I see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces of which I am ignorant, and which know me not, I rest frightened, and astonished, for there is no reason ----
why I should be here rather than there.
Why now rather than then?
Who has put me here?
By whose order and direction have this place and time have been ascribed to me?
I wish to write this blog tonite. There is a invisible stress on Tonite, incase you have missed.
I never pen-down my feelings until I want to it to be. Never begin to write unless I feel the thrust of it. I am doing it even when I am feeling somnolent rite now.
Reason? Heart is heavy. Intense, Forceful and Strenuous at the same time.
Goal – oriented , Task – oriented, not to mention Monotonous – that’s how we live each days..
What are the things we miss?
What are the things we oversee?
What are the things we over do and don’t do?
And most of all….
Who are the people we take for granted?
Why are we constantly wearing our invisible shields and masks? Smile when you really want to be angry ?
What is the kind of life we are livin ? What is the quality of it?
A simple incident today in my apartment today had made me look at myself in the mirror …
What is that you are doing daily? Does it make u proud?
Till my 25 years I lived in a shell …Consider a compass and take a radius of 5 Km , with my house as center, Draw a circle …. That is my invisible boundary which most of my 24 years have passed by.
But, Not even a single regret like this day.
Apartment life is not new to me, never. Most of my childhood till 9th I have been living surrounded by homes , where the sounds of one home can infiltrate the other. Where the cooking odour was easily felt. Sharing joy, sorrow was part of it.

Even when we moved to GV , Never felt like an island ( though it was an independent home ) , though I can feel the emptiness back home now. Guess the bridge, the connexion was the younger generation…
Now in chennai ,
I live a secluded life , though I call myself social… I live most of the times indoor in seclusion.
Never was worried , not bothered whats going on.. Just live a busy life …. Always moving wid a sense of ‘purpose ‘ attached.
I wasn’t wrong, nor I am wrong , But the essence of which makes a human a human is missing.
Today I read ---purpose of life is a life of purpose. Page No 74 – Monk who sold his Ferrari…
I think too much goal-oriented and purpose is just sick.
There is a saying --- “ Alavu minjinal Amurdhamum nanju “ the Elixir – which is meant to give u ever lasting life , if “exceeded” can also become poison.
I think – Purpose of life is to live it to fullest. Not alone driven with purpose.
Never end it with regrets. Never take people for granted, to be always there…
Its time to strike a balance.
Once my family had come to stay with me in my apartment, It had been two years since I had moved to this apartment by that time…
There is a grandpa and grandma living the other door. You know first time I got embarrassed ..
My uncle as soon as he got down here , after relaxin , settled himself down… Went over them and introduced him to them, I was beside him.
He said to them, “ I am Jesun’s Uncle, his Moms brother “ ( I was standing beside him )
You know what grandpa replied , J
He said , “ I don’t know anybody named Jesun living here ” J
He was taken aback , turned around me wid a smirk in his eyes. I was and I am still the silent type.
And came the next thing, which has never occurred to me, Usually when I go to a hotel , or when I hire a taxi for instance, I never address them as server or driver, I always ask them their names, I remember them well . Any assistance, I call them by their names.
Though I lived here for two years almost, never , ever had a thought occurred to me to ask his name.
My uncle asked him, “ unga per enanga ? ” He replied , “ Yesuraj ” Wid a gleaming face , toothless smile …. Priceless.
I got really ashamed of myself. I didn’t refrain yet.
Grandpa was always there, lying in the cot, He must be in his eighties… Ever vibrant, noisy , always imagines the other to be deaf when he speaks, Like I use to speak wit ipod connected to my ears. All around will turn around and look at me , as if I had done a crime. J
Ever active, not even the Immovable lift will stop him to get down three floors and not to mention coming up three floors!!! In his age of eighties…. He was really inspiring. Morning when I leave office at six thirty I would see him walkin in the street wid a walkin stick in his hand and carryin milk back home….
One time, I had helped him walk the steps with my 1100 Nokia mobile, known only to act as a tubelite in darkness and never a mobile…..
He thanked me….
For the past three days, I am eating outside…. Fact – gas is over.
Today, My neighbors had got the cylinder for us. Grandma gave me the change.. and showed me the cylinder…..
I asked her, I was hesitant to ask her yesterday… “ Where is Grandpa?” Never seen him for a while.. Has he gone home to his native? “
She replied.. “ Grandpa is missing over a month. He went out as usual and never returned , Once it had happened he had missed the way home, ( I was thinking early signs of Alzheimer ) somebody had helped him back home here. He never returned home, it has been a month now . We have registered a complaint with the police” With a pause , She added , “ have u seen him around ? ”
I froze.
Words failed,
“ Ile ma ”
Sound of air didn’t vibrate at all, It didn’t carry my words uttered. I was silent, felt astray…. Felt not worthy to stand there.
One month … Where was I? I was rite there.. Living next door….
Wonder will I ever see him again!
The Cot he sleeps on is still there waiting for him in the corridors of Third floor of anonymous apartment in sivananda saalai choolaimedu.
Carefully folded and well maintained by Grandma, waiting for his return…
I have regrets, had a million chances to share with him.
A simple smile to a casual talk after work…. Guess I took him for granted to be there for me always…!
“Meaning of life !!!!”
The irony about the question is --- you know what? …..
The question arises only in the moments of despair, grief, regret and guilt
The question arises only in the moments of dissatisfaction, whenever there are situations of particular incident disturb us, shake us…
Never leave room for regrets in life…. !
Never…
Jesun….